'Solving the conflict'...

Someone in your family has just passed

away, and at the funeral home, you and

others are sitting at the arrangement’s

table trying to make difficult decisions.

For discussion’s sake.. let’s say it’s your

father.  Your mother passed away

years ago.. and now it’s just you and

your siblings discussing your father’s

final disposition.

First question to ask yourselves…

‘did dad ever say what he wanted for

himself?’

Your mom was buried after a traditional

funeral with embalming, open casket and

full ground burial. Two of the children

speak up and say dad had told them he

wanted to be cremated, but had never

put his wishes down on paper.

The other two children want a full service

funeral like mom had.

Over the years I have actually experienced

families in ‘verbal combat’ about making

this tough decision. Funeral directors can

NOT be referees….you need to have a plan,

or at least an idea of a plan when you meet

with your funeral director.  And the final

decision has to be unanimous and acceptable

to everyone involved. 

In an instance like this…combine the two

types of service to satisfy everyone.

Have your dad embalmed….buy an

inexpensive casket to cremate him in, or,

use a rental casket which most funeral

homes make available now. Have a viewing,

a service, do the cremation and have the

cremains buried next to your mom. Many

cemeteries now will allow you to bury

an urn on top of the full ground burial

vault which was interred years before. Check

with your cemetery to find out their

regulations AHEAD of time. So in this

instance, everyone has what they want…

a ‘traditional’ type service, with cremation

and burial to follow.

This is just one conflict which can be

rectified without too much difficulty…but

again, don’t wait till the last minute to

make these final decisions. Contact your

local funeral director ahead of time and ask

for his or her guidance…you’ll be surprised

at how helpful he or she will be!